If I could tell a new homeschool mum one thing.....

If I could tell a new homeschool mum one thing, it would be… to give it ( whatever it is) Time.

Time. The biggest secret in homeschooling/unschooling.

Time for a child to mature, so that the boy who hates writing at age six
(“why do I have to do this”) is just given time to mature, no pressure to write, just sharing books together until one day he finds his voice and writes and blogs.

Time for the shared experiences to be shared, to shape the child, to allow him to explore, think, play, be a child…so that he chooses, as a teen, to study ancient languages at a university winter school and needs no nagging about homework. He has had time to find out what he likes and how he learns.

Time to spend with family and friends, exploring persona (today it’s Batman, tomorrow it is a Roman soldier), learning how to interact with others, to control temper, to think of others, to learn about self.

Time to read and read together without school schedules and have-tos.

Time for that stubborn toddler to grow into a self disciplined, determined young man. Time for that  very sensitive child to grow into a young man who thinks deeply and spiritually.

Time to cook, to do crafts, to play games, to climb trees, to visit and re-visit museums and libraries, to learn.

And time for mum to realise that things that seem major and  crisis making and overwhelming now will pass.

Time has been my homeschooling secret. Regardless of circumstances and living situations, I have learned to give myself and my kids time.

The Importance of Play

I was reading an interesting blog post for work on the importance of play and on traditional games for children. Not just for nostalgia but for what is learned and shared during these games.

For work? I am the Coordinator/Director ( in other words, Nominated Supervisor and Educational Leader) at an Out Of School Hours Centre...before and after school care.

So much of what we do at OOSH resembles my unschooling household.

So much of what we do and did in unschooling was play, new forms of play and traditional forms of play. Play for all ages.

And why is this play important? Read the whole blog post but this excerpt gives a glimpse:

I think there is something important about these traditional games that cannot simply be dismissed as rose-tinted, sepia-toned nostalgia. And I think the time is right to revisit these games and breathe new life into them.

There is something wonderfully pared down and self-reliant about many traditional games. They rarely need equipment. Many can be played almost anywhere, and can cope with a wide range of ages, abilities and numbers of players (I once saw two siblings play hide-and-seek for about fifteen minutes in a five-metres-by-five leisure centre reception area.) And the rules can be endlessly adapted – just as long as a sense of fair play is respected.

Outdoor games also provide children with valuable rehearsals for everyday life. Think about all the tasks that are involved in a game of tag, for instance. Players have to decide who is ‘it’. They have to agree safe spots, and how ‘time out’ works. And they have to sort out disputes about whether or not someone was tagged. The physicality of tag, and indeed many traditional games, demands accurate risk management. When chasing or catching, players have to try to make sure they don’t hurt each other too much, and it’s not a great idea to collide with any non-participants who happen to stray into the area. That is a pretty impressive list of physical, interpersonal and social skills. Traditional Outdoor Games: Tim Gill

An Unschooling Journey

A Homeschooling Journey: Illness, a Baby Girl, and a Move Towards Unschooling 

On Tuesday morning my oldest son slept on and off for hours at a time.  This was unusual for him.  Around noon he asked me to make him a grilled cheese sandwich.  Before I finished preparing it, he fell asleep once again.

That afternoon my four boys and I climbed into the minivan and drove to the medical center.  My son needed a physical for summer camp and since he appeared to have the flu or maybe something worse, I scheduled an appointment for him.  The pediatrician checked his vital signs and talked to him and seemed satisfied that he was healthy.  I sensed that was not true.  He actually needed to sit down for a couple minute break on the walk into our pediatrician's office from the car.  I asked her to test his urine, because my husband and I were suspecting diabetes.  She agreed it was a good idea to check.  A few minutes later she came back to the room with the grim news that he did indeed have type 1 diabetes and started the procedures for admitting him into the ICU.

That was a sad, sad day.  Our journey with this illness has been challenging and heart breaking at times.  However, one small thing stands out in my mind after the fact: my educational philosophy throughout this crisis.

I am ashamed to admit that while my son lay ill in bed those few days before that dreadful Tuesday afternoon, I sat with him and read his "school work" to him so that all three boys would stay on schedule.  No one else remembers this or finds this fact significant.  But I do.  It is one of those decisions I will always regret and also the decision I will always be glad led me to where I am today - on the path to becoming an unschooler.

It didn't even occur to me right away, not until the next fall.  I designed the new school year's schedule with my old educational philosophy in the forefront of my mind.  I bounced from one son to the next all day long, each day, until dinnertime, checking off all the items on our lists.

Then one day I thought to myself, "How am I going to keep up this crazy pace with a new baby come next January or February?" I started reading the unschooling Catholics yahoo group every morning with breakfast.  I reread Suzie Andres' book "Homeschooling with Gentleness" and read for the first time her book "A little Way Of Homeschooling." The Holy Spirit inspired me to make many changes to our daily learning routine.  I followed the lead of one of the ladies on the yahoo group to create a focus for each day.  I bought my oldest son a fun math program to keep his interest in this area alive.  I  also found a gentle writing program through the recommendation of other Catholic unschoolers.  Learning did become more joyful.

In January, our baby girl arrived.  I believe God sent us her as a gift to help us move past my oldest son's diagnosis.  Up until that time my life was overwhelmingly focused on checking blood sugars, counting carbs, giving insulin shots, testing for ketones, and wondering if I would walk into a room and find my son unconscious.  Preparing for and taking care of a baby actually eased the stress of taking care of my son.

When I really knew my perspective had changed was when I began to feel uncomfortable when family and friends starting asking if we were "back to school" just weeks after giving birth.  When people asked if we were going to "school" into the summertime to make up for lost time, I said "no." My second oldest wanted to spend the day reading, and I thought that sounded like a good idea.  My oldest son started writing a book about his favorite computer game, and I noticed his spelling was improving.  Before my enlightenment, I would have surely home schooled into June and July if we had "taken off from school." I also would not have considered a computer game a worthy educational tool.

I am still on my homeschooling/unschooling journey.  It will probably take me some time to more fully embrace the ideals of unschooling.  However, I hope by trusting God, I will gently guide my children to a lifestyle of loving God and loving learning - my goals from the beginning.

by Gina Peterson blogs at www.catholicbreastfeeding.blogspot.com

What is unschooling?

From our Unschooling Catholics email list...

Susan : I thought it might be good to address that idea about the difference between relaxed, eclectic, etc.  The labels can always cause some issues, but we need words to try to have a dialogue, so we work with what we have and hope
to gain understanding.

I have seen many dismiss unschooling, even saying they have 'tried' it for a month, a year, during a challenging time when they couldn't manage curriculum, etc.  But I think a primary difference between unschooling and other 'styles' comes from a complete shift in one's way of thinking. I recently had a friend say that she had 'homeschooled' her children one day when it was a snow day.  I told her that it was more a shift in lifestyle and doing a workbook one day with your dc doesn't give the flavor of what you might do.  I think the same about unschooling...it can't be merely dabbled in.  It involves a willingness to change into a different type of lifestyle even than 'relaxed' or 'eclectic'.  The journey gets turbulent at times (well, it has for me).  On the ouside, it may look any different way...busy, hectic, slow paced, relaxed, high pressure, highly structured or loosely structured.  The key differences are on the inside.

I know that despite the fact that I read some John Holt  when I first decided to educate dc outside the school setting, it took a lot of introspection to see the many ways I still had an agenda for my dc.  I still wanted to pour knowledge and information into them; I still wanted to have them love and learn form the great opportunities I would provide.  I still wanted them to know their math, how to read well, spell, etc.  And I admit I even hoped they might excel 'early'. 

For me, it was a real journey of self discovery in examing all the things about school and how they had permeated my thinking.  And a real journey in observing dc and their learning.  A real journey of faith...do I trust God to inspire them?  Do I  trust the diverse gifts given by God can be 'enough', even if they don't follow "what your whatever grader needs to kow"?  Can I trust myself enough to really be present with my dc?  To accept, and love them on their own life journey. Do I have it in me to actually *be* the example of  someone they ought to emulate?

And it is a challenge to be this in a society that measures and looks at results, expectations what have you been 'doing'?  Sometimes I don't know - we live, we love, we laugh and enjoy.  Sometimes we work through conflict and difficulty,  Life brings us so many experiences, and it is all worthwhile.

We are fortunate here to have some members who have lived and experienced this for years.  And have felt a desire to provide a place to converse openly with others.

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Leonie: I think unschooling implies attentiveness - to the child and her needs, to the family and the season of family life.....I think the time spent in planning lessons in more conventional homeschooling becomes time spent with the child and in attentiveness. And sometimes it means time spent on one's own passions - modeling the following of a passion  and thus that learning happens all the time, throughout life.

 

I said once that not everyone has to unschool or unschool in the same way. I stand by that. :-) I think there is a definition of pure unschooling ( perhaps Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child has such a definition) and then there are definitions like Suzie Andres' one ( in Homeschooling With Gentleness: A Catholic Discovers Unschooling).

 

I think we find our own paths and sometimes the paths meet with ideas from Charlotte Mason . Sometimes the paths meet or we re-trace our steps.

 

Family life, and thus unschooling, for me is never a recipe or a straight flow - it is the ebb and flow, the changing seasons. :-)

 

I think, for me, unschooling also means questioning my paradigms so, I really question why we might behave one way in parenting or why we might want a maths book ( or whatever). 

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Susan: As usual, wise words from Leonie!  I agree that unschooling is not for everyone.  And for those who go this route, I almost wonder if it makes an unschooling family as unique as a snowflake.  Each family constellation made up of unique individuals, and each family group with its own ebbs and flows. (I sometimes wonder if that’s why I find it challenging to find unschooling families irl.  I know of a few in this area, and we are all very different enough that we don’t cross paths often – though it is always lively and fun when that happens.)

I do think that while John Holt coined the term and wrote prolifically, some ideas cross over into others thinking and being with children, discovering how they learn, respecting dc as Jesus did… “ A little child shall lead…”  And many of the ideas that affirm unschooling for me can be found in the writings of many saints.  Also, the historical perspective comes into play…school ‘systems are such a tiny blip on the radar of history, and schools systems in industrialized societies even smaller.  Learning has occurred throughout human history, and our faith informs us that right relationships, loving God in the first place and others – that has a higher importance. 

A View on Un-Parenting

the Christian Unschooling blog...Unschool myth...unschooling is unparenting 


Excerpt - One of the biggest misunderstandings I’ve found that people have with unschooling, particularly in Christian Unschooling, is the question of guidance.  People seem to jump to the conclusion that unschooling = unparenting.  It’s a BIG problem.  Frustratingly so.  Christians assume that if you’re unschooling it means you’re not guiding your children or “training them up”.

 So, for the record, let me very clearly state – the parenting philosophy behind unschooling typically involves a LOT of guidance, y’all!

 In my opinion, a large foundation of unschooling is based on guidance.  Being a guide for your child, sharing your experiences and interests, your opinions and your beliefs.  But not forcing a bunch of unnecessary baggage and schedules and lessons on them.

I wish unschooling for everyone...

A re-post...but friends asked me to share...so here goes!

We recently had a discussion on our Unschooling Catholics email list...on that ubiquitious statement, oh so familiar to all homeschoolers with an unschooling bent...Unschooling sounds great but *I* could never do it.


Maybe the speaker couldn't. Or shouldn't.


Or maybe they should and could...if they are willing to step out of their box.


I'm on my seventh teenage unschooler here.. And my thought and experience is that unschooling works with relationship and time.

Time because a child who does not pick up a book at age eight can become a a teen studying liberal arts at university and reading and enjoying philosophy and theology... And yes, I am describing one of my sons! I would strew books that he would never pick up unless they were non fiction full-of-pictures DK and Usborne books. However, we kept reading aloud and listening to books on CD and watching movie versions of books and letting him follow his interests... Which when he was young was all about the outdoors and activity. So I think Unschooling works best over time. 

Time because it takes awhile for "no strings attached" strewing to take... By no strings I mean that I really don't mind if no one takes up my strewing but instead strews their own stuff. And with expectations off, my sons have been more likely to explore new ideas and activities and books.

Relationship because that has been the way Unschooling works in our house. It has enhanced our relationships because we spent time together not doing school but reading aloud, watching movies, drawing, cooking, going to parks and outings and talking. It's this quantity time that is sometimes missing when mums and kids are rushing to do school and then to homeschool activities. And yet this quantity time has been the biggest aid to our learning... so one son, who used to make a big fuss about any sort of formal work when young is the one who is now  at university, writing essays and talking to me about chastity and celibacy and how he doesn't think celibacy would be so hard as your mind, his mind, is on other things.. At the moment Cicero. (!) Now, he was the one who you could have said would not be a poster child for Unschooling, would spend oodles of time on computer games and make a big fuss about chores and really did spend a year or two around age sixteen or so just playing games and hanging out ( and doing chores and serving at mass and helping in the parish). 

Or let me give an example of another son ( did I mention I have seven sons...thus many examples!) who was also a non writer and often a non reader. But who grew, however,  into reading Shakespeare as a teen, who has a degree and now works  in politics, works hard, long hours and yet still finds time to go to mass or confession on weekdays as well. 

Are they perfect? No.


Were they the perfect poster unschooler kids? No.


Were we the perfect unschooler poster family? No, not with our problems, financial problems, moving many many times, mum's health problems and miscarriages, unemployment, extended family crises, months where we did nothing but chores and watch movies and read and cook and eat. And I went through stages of let's try this (  CM or classical or curriculum) but we always came  back to just living and learning.

Where am I going with this?


That I would wish Unschooling for everyone.


That blossoming of self and interests and relationships.


Unschooling tweaked to suit each family but Unschooling where the child and family are more important than is he reading, is he doing maths, can he meet these outcomes? Ad infinitum.


 In my experience, the unschooled children can meet outcomes, over time, with a good relationship ( "darling , for uni you will need more maths and writing so how about we try x and y... "...Easily suggested and more likely to be taken up when relationship in place) and with tweaking to suit each child and family. 

Unschooling has brought me to my knees, to my Faith, to the sacraments , many many times... Heck, I became a Catholic! Me! It's that trust in Our Lord, in the Holy Spirit's workings in my life and in the life of my kids, in the graces of the sacraments. 

So my answer to is Unschooling for everyone is.. It's up to the parent!


Are you prepared to read more, pray more, live with your kids, daily give more of yourself, move out of your comfort zone, educate yourself, give it a good long try, no strings attached!?


For Unschooling requires effort as the vocation of mothering requires effort .. Effort and prayer... It's just that the effort is spent in time with the child and family and not with curriculum and programmes. 

And the rewards are manifold.

Do unschoolers set goals?

Do unschoolers set goals? I think sometimes we do and sometimes we just fly without goals.

And sometimes our dreams become our goals.

Big Hairy Audacious Goals in fact.

"Enter the B-HAG into our family. Suddenly I'm on a radical learning curve led by my kids. It dawned on me that instead of micro-managing their experiences, I could throw myself into their big dreams by offering the kind of support that an adult can give to a young person - I can drive, I can look stuff up in the phone book, on the Internet and in the community papers, I can fix hair to look like Lizzie Bennett."

And sometimes, too, are goals are by products of the time and discussions and life we live along the way. For unschooling is both quality and quantity time.

We lean on a truck and learn alongside.

"Women talk face to face, they say, but men lean side by side on a truck. Another version of leaning on a truck is fishing: facing the same way, doing the same thing. Traditionally these days parents and children move in different spheres and do different things, but unschooling families mix ages and activities."

Kids and Chores

Sharing some links that help me in this area..again...and again....

Serving others as a gift

It is in the giving and serving and the listening that I grow. That the family, too, grows.

Chores with gratitude

Really, I think it’s better to have a dirty house and minimally prepared food than to have filth in the air from guilt, manipulation, and griping

Cleaning in bursts

Unschooling chores by working in service, with a positive attitude, in spurts and with others. Creating a new unschooling landscape. Doing cleaning while being with family..A two -for- one.

Creating an unschooling landscape

The answer for my family is that Unschooling impacts and changes our entire landscape: no schoolroom at home, but a rich, full, exuberant landscape that ranges from room to room and spills out into our yard and the woods beyond.

Parenting Books..

...as suggested by members of the Unschooling Catholics email list ( see sidebar for the link to the email list).

1.How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish
2.Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
3.Love and Anger by Nancy Samalin
4.Siblings without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish
5. How to Really Love Your Teenager by Ross Campbell
6. Teaching Your Children Values by the Eyres
7. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey
8.I love you rituals by Becky Bailey
9. Parenting with Grace by Popcak
10.Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
11.Hold on to Your Kids by Neufeld and Mate
12.The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff
13.Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
14. Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids by Sura Hart, Victoria Kindle Hodson
15.Please Don't Sit on the Kids by Clare Cherry
16.The Hurried Child by David Elkind

On discipline

It is disgraceful to call them hurtful names... Keep an eye on that Brother who slaps the students and see to it that he stops doing it.St. John Baptist de la Salle

In general, the system we ought to adopt is called Preventive, which consists in so disposing the hearts of our students that they ought to be willing to do what we ask of them without need of external violence. I would like to think that coercive means are never to be used, but only and exclusively those suggested by patience and charity.~ Don Bosco

I found this about St. Anselm, but couldn't find the original quote: It’s best brought home to us in a story about St Anselm, Archbishop of Canterbury at the turn of the eleventh and twelfth centuries. An abbot told Anselm of the difficulties he was having in bringing up boys in his care. The abbot was a disciplinarian, beating the boys for each and every misdemeanour. Anselm could not contain his disagreement: "In God’s name", he burst out, "I would have you tell me why you are so incensed against them. Are they not human? Are they not flesh and blood like you?" The boys, he said, need "the encouragement and help of fatherly sympathy and gentleness", not just blows.

"Just as love is the supreme commandment with regards to the personal God, so too only love can be our fundamental obligation toward the human person, created in God's image and likeness." JPII, Memory and Identity